This Is Not A Test (2026)

 

A group of teen's takeover a School to take on a Zombie hoard during an 'apocalypse'

I've had this one on my 'to watch' list for some so finally got round to giving it a view and boy was it worth the wait. The group of "kids" are all likeable with strong performances all round, the Zombies are great, very nasty fast moving f****rs, some bloody gore, big shades of the "28 Days" series, and it's got some Metal in the soundtrack!

4.5/5

Dolly (2026)

 

I really don't even know where to start with this. Now I love a low budget slasher, and this is one I was looking forward to, what a letdown. Zero storyline whatsoever, so back story, just some cumbersome nobody in a porcelain mask chasing after two people for 80 minutes. Now when I say "chasing", she (it?) sticks a shovel through Stifler's lower jaw and leg (sorry Seann William Scott, yes him!) he crawls around the woods for the rest of the movie occasionally screaming (how? his jaw is in two pieces!) and his girlfriend runs around, falls over after one minute when first per sued, says "Hello?" at every occasion giving us a full house in the horror movie cliche bingo card. The gore is kept to a minimum, the only slight redeeming moment in this disaster is when Mommy force feeds our fleeing damsel in distress some special milk, which she doesn't appreciate to say the least! What a stinker.

1.5/5

Scream 7 (2026)

 

I have to admit as I've previously said I'm not a big fan of this franchise, the original release of course was a classic and a game changer in the horror genre, and contained one of the greatest shock twist intro's to a movie ever, but since then they have been utterly forgetable ever since and this is no exception. Yes it starts off really good, a cool lead up to a nice gory kill and then it settles into it's usual bland routine. Annoying characters, dodgy over the top Police officers (where are they when things kick off?) why does ghost face wear that mask when he's hell bent on killing, the only reason is for the lame "reveal" at the end. The kills are quite weak, again, it just goes through the motions of the previous films, just so "by the numbers" and more of the same old same old.

2/5

Cold Storage (2026)

 

This film caught my eye for two reason's, it stars Liam Neeson who I just love and it's a monster/zombie/Alien infection comedy flick, three big boxes ticked! A fungus leaks from a cold storage plant and all Hell is released, hope's were high for this flick, and it didn't fail to deliver! Such a great fun flick which kind of reminded me of the 90's classic 'Tremors', the characters are all likeable, Neeson is the Gov agent alongside the brilliant Leslie Manville (try and check out the overlooked just brilliant bitter sweet comedy series 'Mum' ) The main "stars" though are Joe Keery as "Teacake" and the gorgeous Georgina Campbell as Nina who are the employees of the Cold Storage facility, they hate their jobs, but are intrigued by a mysterious noise coming from behind a wall, so they decide to investigate, it doesn't go well. Just great dialogue, plenty of witty moments "There's no such thing as a suitcase bomb", the gore is glorious, both digital and practical effects, a joy from start to finish, another solid entry in the early part of 2026.

4.5/5

Whistle (2026)

 

"Don't blow it"

Well I have to admit the trailer for this flick wet my, umm, whistle, the moment I saw it. A group of students find a "Aztec Death Whistle" (there's a warning sign there!) and discover that blowing it will summon their imminent death, so massive shades to the great 'Final Destination' franchise. Well, after last years chapter in the series, the awesome 'Bloodlines,' how does this new kid on the block bare up?

Badly. 

The pace is just so.............slow, the characters are  the usual cliche of goth, tough jock, geek, all the boxes ticked. In the  final third it does pick up when we get some slightly descend gore, but I was beyond caring by then, and the final scene you can see a mile off. Utterly disappointing it must be said.

2.5/5

Primate (2026)

 

Now this is the movie that I have been really looking forward to, an adopted chimpanzee (as you do) is bitten by a rabid animal and suddenly becomes violent (to put it mildly) Mark Kermode on his always entertaining podcast and youtube channel, gave it a big thumbs up, it's a lean 89 mins long, starts off with a face ripping and doesn't give up from there, is it the gory ride I hoped for though......? Oh yes, as I said it's starts with a nice face ripping then we back track three days to the lead up to this attack. A bunch of late teens/early twenties are partying, thankfully not to annoying Characters, and are hiding, mainly in the swimming pool to avoid the crazy chimp, lots more gore, a very tasty removal of a guys lower jaw bone is a highlight, great gory fun, the CGI chimp is on the whole pretty good. With "28 years Later: The Bone Temple", "Get Help" and now this (all of which I've watched on the big screen) 2026 has got off to a belting start which is unusual for the early part of any year, and next up is "Whistle" WOOF!

4.5.5

Grafted (2025)

 

A Chinese student studying at a New Zealand posh University struggling with a facial birthmark immerses herself into her late Fathers research to make herself more socially "acceptable" with the "in crowd". This movie came to my attention on  tube channel and I love a "body horror" flick, who can forget the madness of "The Substance" a few years ago, but go back 30 years and give the bat shit bonkers Brian Yuzna film "Society" a look, one you won't forget, so how does this new kid on the block pan out?

Oh boy it does, a real twisted tale, a socially awkward student Wei (Joyena Sun) makes the big move from her home in China to a top University in New Zealand, but due to her very Chinese working background and a birth mark on her face, which she obviously conscious of and ashamed of, finds it hard to blend in. Her Father was a science / medical research genius and she soon finds away to "repair" her scar. The descent into almost obsessive madness to keep up her appearance drives Wei into a dark, dark place, slowly she turns to almost insane reasoning, and murder, to keep up this ruse. Quality horror available on the excellent 'Shudder' channel

4/5

Grizzly Night (2026)

 Everyone loves a movie with a killer Bear in it, c'mon "Cocaine Bear" and "Paddington" spring to mind (lol) so when this movie popped up on my radar it was 'on the (very long) list. So it based on the true story when back in 1967 two lethal Grisly Bear attacks happened, but 9 miles apart, this was unheard off shocked the Montana region. Now I don't know why, but I was expecting a horror film, the cover wetted my apettite, forget about it. The only times you see it are pretty much it having a good roar, there is no gore or blood, nothing, the first kill you see just the the aftermath, it's slow tedious, some of the online reviews make me wonder if I watched the same movie, for example Future of Force  highlighted the breathtaking cinematography and brutal Grizzly action, noting it as a significant entry in the creature feature genre" Are you fucking kidding me!! 'Yogi vs Paddington' sounds more interesting.

1/5